It Takes a Village ... to Finance a Wedding

We went to the wedding of a good friend last weekend.  Lemjini is one of our "counterparts" --- Tanzanian colleagues who have been asked to help us fit into the school and community.  Lemjini is also the head of the math department at our school.  Since we both teach math we see a lot of him.

A couple of months ago he asked us to be on his wedding committee, and we accepted.  Weddings are planned and financed differently in Tanzania than in the States.  Here, a wedding committee's main task is to collect contributions from the groom's family and friends for the wedding expenses.  The groom comes up with an estimated budget for the event, including reception venue, food, entertainment, cars, bridal gown, and so on.  Lemjini estimated he would spend $3500 to $4000.  Each member of the committee is expected to contribute at least $37.  Obviously, the larger the committee, the better.  But the contributions do not stop with the committee.  One of our first tasks was to order contribution cards.  These cards look almost like invitations.  They state who is getting married and when, and invite the recipient to contribute.  The committee members hand out the cards to anyone who knows the groom, even remotely.  People who choose to contribute (usually about $12) will later receive an actual wedding invitation.  If they don't contribute, so sorry, but they will not be invited. unless they are very close family members of the bride and groom.

 The groom is expected to pay for a significant portion of the expenses himself, perhaps as much as half.  And, he also must pay the "bride price".  (He is not actually purchasing the bride, but compensating her parents for the loss of her services and companionship.  A subtle difference, but a real one.)  The bride price varies from about 10 cows, or the equivalent, for a 14-year old girl, to 50 cows for a fair-skinned young woman.  (Yes, that is what I said:  fair-skinned.  Racism, or rather, color-ism exists here, despite beliefs to the contrary.)   A cow is worth about $400.  That is about 8 months of income at the minimum wage, or 2 months of salary for a public primary school teacher.  We didn't ask what Lemjini paid in bride price, as we thought it would be rude.

I can imagine my friends with daughters in the U.S. thinking that this is a pretty good deal, but the family and friends of the bride have expenses too.  First, there is the "Send Off" party, sort of a pre-wedding reception that primarily includes the brides' side of the community.  The groom does show up, but few others from his family.  Traditionally, this event was when the bride was taught how to be a good wife.  Then, there is a Kitchen Party, similar to a bridal shower.  Again, the bride is taught the essentials of running a household.   These may have been necessary cultural and instructional events in a society where girls were married around the age of 14 (which does still happen in some rural communities), but Lemjini's bride is in her 20s, and I'm sure she needs no instruction.  But they are good excuses for a party, and the brides' family and friends finance them both.

Besides contributions, gifts are expected from guests to the wedding as well.  In our school, there is a social welfare committee which uses money deducted monthly from staff salaries to buy gifts for wedding, babies, and funerals.  Most of the staff is young and healthy, so we have many of the first two, but few of the last.

Wedding contributions can be a burden for people who have many young friends.  In our school there have been 3 weddings since August and there will be one more in November.  Two of our friends confided in me that they were strapped for cash because of it.  On the other hand, people can confidently expect help when they themselves marry.

So, what about Lemjini's wedding?  It was beautiful.  All our hard work and anxiety over collecting enough money resulted in a lovely event.  Nice venue, good food, and a bride and groom who were obviously enchanted with one another.  What more could anyone ask?